Procrastination

[hafl]

Title: Unbroken, Chapter Four
Original work: Malory Towers
Pairing: Nothing
Rating: PG

The very next morning, everything seemed fine to June. As she woke up and realised that, she immediately thought it peculiar. She was so miserable the previous evening, so why was she almost happy now? Sleeping through the entire night did certainly help, but that alone could not account for the recovery of her spirits. Maybe it was that the yesterday’s conversation with Felicity assuaged some of her doubts. Maybe she was even stronger than she had previously thought.

 

June was able to face Felicity with her head held high, earning a queer look from Susan. Maybe Susan thought that June would be still upset. If that was the case, then she was mistaken. There would be no more breakdowns like the day before. She would steel herself and not allow Felicity to affect her like that ever again.

 

Still, she was watching Felicity stealthily to see, if she had noticed the change in June. Felicity did not give any outward sign, but Susan seemed affected more than her friend. Susan did not approach June with any questions, but sometimes when June was listening to their conversations from distance, she was sure that she had heard Susan speak her name. It was gratifying to know that Susan worried about her and June did not hesitate to admit that to herself. After all, she had decided to not let Felicity affect her, not Susan.

 

Her resolution endured for several days, then first cracks started to appear in it. She wondered whether Felicity minded Susan talking about June. Did hearing June’s name make Felicity miss June? Felicity was slowly but surely creeping back into June’s thoughts and June did not try very hard to fight against her. Whenever she was idle, her mind turned to Felicity, remembering the old times. Old times? It sounded so silly and sentimental. The “Old times” weren’t even so far back, just a few months.

 

Should she make another attempt at reconciliation with Felicity? Maybe, just maybe, Felicity still cared for June. Should she just ask Susan what Felicity thought? No, no, June did not want Susan to see yet another moment of her weakness, as she almost resented her for seeing her after crying in the stables. Could anybody else know about Felicity’s thoughts? June couldn’t think of anybody. Susan was Felicity’s special friend and even she admitted that Felicity did not tell her everything. Was Felicity, perhaps, more inclined to share those matters with her sister? Again, writing to Alicia presented itself as an option, but June knew that she was too impatient to wait for Alicia’s reply about what she had found out from Darrell. No, if she were to make another attempt, it would have to be soon.

 

Indecision was unlike June. Answers were always easy for her to find, but now, she was beginning to get used to it. She was also not used to nursing false hopes, but now, the hope that Felicity still cared was becoming more and more false with each passing day. Soon, June felt, that hope would disappear altogether. She had to act before that.

 

It was Thursday again, one week after their last fight, when June once more approached the First Form classroom. When she reached for the door handle, she noticed that her hand was trembling. She drew it back and took a few deep breaths to steady and compose herself. She even closed her eyes, fully concentrating on becoming calm once again.

 

“June,” said Susan’s voice suddenly, “Are you going to talk to Felicity?”

 

June immediately opened her eyes. “Susan,” she said.

 

“I want to talk to her as well,” said Susan, “But it can wait.”

 

“Why do you care?” asked June.

 

“I can’t help it,” said Susan, “I always worry when I shouldn’t, even when I don’t want to.”

 

June sighed. “I don’t really understand you,” she said, “But thank you, Susan. I’m going inside.”

 

She grabbed the door handle and opened the door. As expected, Felicity was in there, studying diligently. When Felicity heard the door, she didn’t even lift her head. “Is that you, Susan?” she asked.

 

The words did not come easily to June. “No, it’s me,” she said quietly.

 

There was a moment of silence. “You want to talk again?” replied Felicity, also quietly.

 

“I do,” said June, “Can I sit down?”

 

Felicity nodded and waited until June pulled out a chair for herself. “Why do you want to talk?” she said.

 

“I wanted to explain myself,” said June.

 

“Explain yourself? What do you mean?” asked Felicity.

 

“Why I can’t apologise to you for what I said,” said June.

 

“I… I’m willing to listen,” said Felicity.

 

“Thank you,” said June, but she did not continue. She needed a little more time to prepare herself. Felicity seemed to understand, for she did not say anything, letting June take her time.

 

“I can’t apologise,” began June, “Because I would be lying. You always knew, whenever I was lying.”

 

“I did?” said Felicity, “I don’t know. I’m never sure when I’m with you.”

 

“You’re that suspicious of me?” said June.

 

“Sorry,” said Felicity, then she took a deep breath, “You know, I am always worrying about you, one way or the other.”

 

“You never let me forget that,” said June.

 

“June, please,” said Felicity, “I do not want to have another fight.”

 

“Sorry,” said June automatically.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” said Felicity, “As long as you understand.”

 

“Felicity,” said June, “Do you understand why I couldn’t apologise?”

 

Felicity nodded. “But that means, you’re willing to tell me off at any time,” she said.

 

“You need telling off sometimes,” said June, “And Susan is not going to do that.”

 

“If you only knew,” said Felicity, “She nearly talked my head off the last week, asking about what had happened.”

 

“You did not tell her?” asked June.

 

Felicity shook her head. “It’s not easy talking about you with Susan, or anyone for the matter.”

 

When she heard those words, June could not help but smile. “Thank you,” she said.

 

“For what?” asked Felicity.

 

“For caring,” said June.

 

“You do not seem to thank me, when I do something because I care about you,” said Felicity.

 

“Do you mean those lectures?” asked June.

 

“Of course,” said Felicity, “Do you think I would bother with someone as obstinate as you, if I didn’t care about you?”

 

June smiled. “It seems that you still need to learn how to say things with tact,” she said.

 

“If Darrell’s example taught me anything,” said Felicity, “It’s that there are always more faults in my personality to fix.”

 

“Is that why you’re trying to fix others?” asked June.

 

“I’m not trying to fix anyone!” said Felicity, “I’m just trying to make you think about the consequences of what you do.”

 

“Just me?” said June.

 

“Yes, just you,” said Felicity, “You could do so much better, if you just thought a bit more beforehand.”

 

“I always think,” said June, “I always know the consequences.”

 

“And you don’t care?” asked Felicity.

 

“Why should I care about what others think about me?” said June, “The consequences are never too bad. Annoying at worst.”

 

“I give up,” said Felicity, “You’re incorrigible.”

 

“Does that mean you no longer care?” asked June.

 

Felicity shook her head. “No, I still care for you,” she said.

 

“And I care about you,” admitted June.

 

“I know,” said Felicity, “Why else would you come here again?”

 

June laughed. “Thank you,” she said again.

 

“I take it everything’s good again,” said Felicity.

 

June nodded. “Susan is waiting outside,” she said, “Shall we tell her the news?”

 

“Is she?” said Felicity and went to open the door, looking outside. “Susan, come in.”

 

Susan immediately understood that June and Felicity had repaired their relationship, since she smiled brilliantly when she entered the classroom. “So you’ve made up,” said Susan, “I’m glad.”

 

“That’s about it,” said June, “You’re not going to be jealous, are you?”

 

“Should I?” asked Susan, “I’m not, if you’re not going to take Felicity again.”

 

“I probably won’t,” said June.

 

“Probably?” interjected Felicity, “I’m not giving up Susan, even if you ask me.”

 

“Then I won’t ask,” said June, “But I should probably allow you to study again, since I’ve bothered you two times in a row.”

 

With this, June stood up, smiled at both Felicity and Susan and left the classroom.