Why do I always write chapter three so long?

[hafl]

Title: Unbroken, Chapter Three
Original work: Malory Towers
Pairing: Alicia/Betty
Rating: PG

Returning to Malory Towers that term was hard for June. She realised fully that she had nothing to look forward to there. In the years she had spent there, Felicity was the only girl she had been close to and now, June knew that Felicity would hold true to her word, even after New Year. Maybe it wasn’t too late to take Potty’s advice, but June felt that apologising so late after the row would seem to Felicity, as if June was doing it only because she missed the company, no matter how true it was.

 

June spent the first few days of the term sulking. She couldn’t truthfully apply any other, more dignified word to her actions. She sulked, until a letter from Alicia disturbed her from her lethargy. It was an unexpected letter, for she and Alicia were certainly not close enough, even as cousins, to maintain a regular correspondence. Her curiosity aroused, June betook herself to a secluded corner of the school, where she opened the envelope and took out two sheets of paper.

 

June,

I did not tell you properly at home, but thank you. Father is still not happy, but he let me return to St. Andrews under only one condition: to never see Betty again. He still blames her for ‘corrupting’ me. I have already moved to a new place, away from Betty, to make it seem from distance, as if we had broken up, but you know that nothing like that happened. (That reminds me: please destroy this letter. I do not want anybody but you reading it.)

I did not press you about Felicity, but you should make up with her. I feel so old saying this, but you should make the most of the time you have at Malory Towers. It really is the most carefree time you will ever have in your life. So tell Felicity you’re sorry, even if you don’t mean it. See, I have really taken your advice to heart.

Thanks again,

Alicia

 

There was Alicia’s new address written on the second sheet with “Write if you need something,” added underneath. Since blackmailing her cousin was not something June could ever see herself doing, she complied with Alicia’s instructions and tore the letter to little pieces.

 

However, Alicia’s advice about Felicity was most unwelcome. She even considered writing Alicia and telling her to stop worrying, but if she did that, Alicia would know that there actually was a reason to worry. Her advice was not of much use either. Alicia did not know Felicity, nor did she know that Felicity knew June far too well. Felicity was sure to know that June was lying.

 

Still, the situation with Felicity needed some kind of resolution and June racked her brains in order to find some kind of solution. She wanted to talk to Felicity again, to laugh with her at shared jokes, to spend time piecing together Darrell and Alicia’s life at St. Andrews from the little scraps of information that had come their way. She moped shamelessly, not minding that even the little were beginning to notice and laugh about it, whenever they thought that June couldn’t hear them.

 

Felicity, who had as always returned from home looking more radiant and beautiful than before, seemed completely unaffected. She was throwing herself at her duties with her usual vigour, yet still finding enough time to have fun and generally enjoy her life at Malory Towers. Through all this, she was ignoring June, not making a show of it, but never approaching her, never greeting her, never speaking a word to her.

 

Even as June was getting closer and closer to a decision about what to do, she felt the need to delay that decision. As long as she did not act, she could delude herself that Felicity still cared about her, that in truth, she was just as lonely as June and that her happy exterior was just a mask. However, she knew that it was not true and soon, she couldn’t even manage to convince herself to believe in that delusion any longer.

 

The time has come. June knew that if Felicity had not changed her habits, she usually kept her Thursday afternoons open and used them to study in the First Form classroom that was unused at the time. Few times, June was invited to join Felicity there, after Felicity admitted that she needed tutoring in finer points of one subject or another.

 

She was lucky, for when she arrived in the classroom, Felicity was helping one of the second formers with schoolwork. When June opened the door and entered, Felicity looked up, looking surprised at seeing June. “Do you have a little time?” asked June.

 

Felicity hesitated, but then she turned to the second former. “Anne, can you go now?” she asked, “I’ll catch you in the evening and we’ll finish then, all right?”

 

The little girl nodded, gathered her things and ran out of the classroom. As soon as she closed the door, Felicity spoke. “Very well, June. What do you want?”

 

“I wanted to talk with you,” said June.

 

“I thought that we have agreed we don’t have anything to say to each other,” said Felicity.

 

“You decided that by yourself,” said June, “I didn’t want anything like this.”

 

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have started arguing,” said Felicity, “I can live without your constant contrariness.”

 

“And I can live without your lectures,” said June.

 

“Fine,” said Felicity, “If you do not like it when people worry about you, you can go back to moping and being miserable. Don’t try to deny it, I saw you.”

 

“Worry about me?” said June, “You’re just sticking your nose into everything and refuse to listen when people tell you to back off.”

 

“See?” said Felicity. “This is why it’s better for us to not speak with each other. We always end up arguing.”

 

“It wasn’t like that before,” said June, “We used to talk like friends.”

 

“Used to,” said Felicity, “Last term, we could say barely two sentences to each other without arguing.”

 

“You’re exaggerating,” said June, “We had some fun times even then.”

 

“I am,” admitted Felicity, “But the fun was not worth the constant rows.”

 

“I thought it worth your lectures,” said June.

 

“Don’t you dare trying to accuse me for all this,” said Felicity, “You’re just as much at fault as I am.”

 

“You’re right, Felicity,” said June.

 

“Did I hear that right?” asked Felicity.

 

“Yes, you did. I just admitted that I’m also in the wrong here,” said June.

 

Felicity smiled. “That’s almost all I want,” she said, “June, I’m sorry for lecturing you when you didn’t want it.”

 

“I won’t say I’m sorry,” said June, “If you lectured me again, I would tell you off again.”

 

“Fine!” said Felicity, “If you’re going to be so pig-headed, then just stop bothering me and get out! I need to study.”

 

Felicity was trembling, as she said those words. June stepped backwards, afraid of what she might do, but Felicity’s self-control was strong. “Just go,” said Felicity.

 

June complied. As she closed the door behind her, she saw the second former, Anne, scurrying away in the corridor. June chased against her, making her stop. “Did you listen?” asked June.

 

The girl nodded, shrinking away in fear, and June sighed, “Just beat it,” said June, “You’ll babble to your friends anyway, so just go.”

 

Anne ran away and June started walking the other way. Tears started welling up in her eyes and she angrily wiped them away with her hand. Why couldn’t Felicity understand? Had June apologised, Felicity wouldn’t believe her. She always knew when June was lying or even only telling half of the truth. When talking with Felicity, lying was futile.

 

With the tears still coming to her eyes, June knew that she needed to find a secluded place, where she could let her tears out and have a good cry. She was far too old now, to cry before anyone and even then, there was nobody at Malory Towers that June trusted enough. The stables afforded the most privacy, since the school horses were now stabled at Bill and Clarissa’s riding school, which was much better equipped for taking care of them. The stables were now used mostly to store various bags of seeds and fertiliser for the garden, too bulky to store in the shed along with other tools. By now, the smell of horses had almost evaporated from the stables, remaining only as a faint, but pleasant reminder of the past.

 

June snuck into one disused stall, climbing over bags of fertiliser and sat down on the ground in the corner. Then, she finally allowed herself to cry with all her might. Tears were flowing in a torrent and June was letting them. She cried and sobbed, no longer caring that even hiding in that secluded spot, someone might hear her. When she finally ran out of tears, June felt relieved. She was no longer sad, nor angry. In fact, she no longer had enough strength to feel sad, so tired she was from all the crying.

 

“June?” asked a voice suddenly and June lifted her head, seeing Susan standing behind the wall made of bags.

 

“June?” repeated Susan, “Are you all right? What happened?”

 

“Go away,” said June, “Felicity told you not to talk with me, didn’t she?”

 

“Is this about Felicity?” asked Susan and climbed across the bags to sit at June’s side.

 

“I told you to go away,” said June, “You don’t want Felicity getting mad at you, do you?”

 

“I am not doing things only because Felicity tells me, you know,” said Susan, “You were crying just now, weren’t you?”

 

“Can’t you see?” asked June turning her face towards Susan to show her red, puffy eyes.

 

“June, I just want to help you,” said Susan.

 

“Oh, why can’t you and Felicity just mind your own business and leave others alone,” said June.

 

“So this is about Felicity, right?” said Susan.

 

“Yes, yes it is,” said June, “If you need details, just ask her. I am sure she will be glad to tell you.”

 

“She will just tell me you had another row,” said Susan, “She doesn’t tell me everything, you know.”

 

“That’s all you need to know,” said June, “She’s right, you don’t need to know everything.”

 

“Why do you have to be so stubborn, June?” asked Susan, “It’s clear that you’re upset, please, let me help you.”

 

“I don’t want your help,” said June, “So please, leave me alone!”

 

“Please,” said Susan, “I can’t leave you like that, I’d be worrying about it all night.”

 

“You’re doing this because you want to feel better about yourself?” asked June.

 

Susan nodded. “That’s part of it,” she admitted, “But it’s not as if I’m not worried about you.”

 

“I’ll tell you,” said June, “Felicity and I had a row. I went to talk with her, she wanted me to apologise for something and I couldn’t.”

 

“You couldn’t apologise?” said Susan, “Is it really that hard?”

 

“I would be lying,” said June, “And Felicity always knows when I lie.”

 

Susan sighed. “Sorry June,” she said, “I can’t help you with this. Sorry that I pushed you into telling me, when I can’t even do anything about it.”

 

“Can you go away now?” asked June, although she felt it sounded a bit too harsh.

 

“Oh, sure,” said Susan, “Sorry for bothering you.”

 

With that, Susan climbed back over the bags, leaving June once again alone in the silent stables. June was thankful for that. At least Susan knew when to leave someone alone, unlike Felicity who would have pushed June until they would end in yet another fight. The time for dinner was already very close, when June emerged from the stables, looking calm and composed. When she saw Felicity at the dinner, she did not react, instead she just smiled at Susan, partly because she felt grateful that Susan knew when to leave her alone, and partly because she wanted Felicity to know that something happened between her and Susan.

 

If Felicity noticed, she gave no sign of it. Why was she so calm, when June was so disturbed by their latest row? Was this because that unlike June, she allowed Susan to comfort her? At the moment, June wanted nothing more than having someone to talk to. She briefly considered writing to Alicia, but decided against it, knowing fully well that the reply would arrive too late to offer any comfort. While Felicity was laughing and enjoying the meal with other girls, June ate her food in silence, not noticing the taste and brooding over her thoughts.